I Will Not Osculate Jim Cameron's Avatar

I saw James Cameron's Avatar recently. Most critics have found occasion to bless it as an amazing piece of filmmaking. A furious amount of buttox osculation has come from every corner. The stupendous box office receipts confirm that we have a phenomena on our hands. There have been critics amidst the praise, and I cast my lot with them. Discernment about the quality of this film, its ability to tell a creative story, is sorely missing. Minds are swamped with Christmas and holiday jovial delusion.

Avatar Oh Avatar, how I hate thee. Let me bullet point the ways:

• When is it okay to bang some guy's daughter, and especially some chief's daughter, without following some sort of protocol or process? Obviously Jake Sully's Pandora behavior guide was written by Captain Kirk.

• Is there no native Pandoran to lead them to safety? Why does it always take a Tom Cruise or a Kevin Costner or a John Smith to mobilize the natives?  Are there no other stories to tell? Maybe have a blue Na'vi head off to some far away tribe, discover anti-spaceship weapons, and return with some kick ass warriors from the far side of the plain? Yea, no. Sandra Bullock will save you (if you are a black youth with football skills). A soccer team will save South Africa (if you are Mandela, and need help pulling the country together). See a trend in how films are constructed? It's not necessarily bad, it's just reductive, repetitive movie-making.

• The battle scene was straight out of Return of the Jedi. The Na'vi, in Ewok mode, battle the evil Americans with makeshift natural stuff and some help from supernatural forces and the beasts of the field. How the hell is that remotely possible? I mean seriously, if any of that native mystical spiritual nonsense had any viability, Native Americans would have defended North America from European expansion and we would not be sitting here watching movies telling us that nonsense like that would work against hardened military power. Excuse me for my literalism while I excuse you for your flights of ridiculous fancy. A friend of mine said he just could not see the comparison, because in Jedi the Imperial forces had different vehicles than the Americans in Avatar as each marched through the forest. You know, because in Jedi they had four legs and in Avatar they had two and walked upright. Same forest, same mechanized humanoid, animaloid machines, same primitive people with sticks and stones, same death scene with crying Na'vi/Ewoks. Other than that, totally different. Shush friend of mine.

• Didn't I see this in Pocahontas circa 1995? White interloper, hot chief daughter, learning about the land and love. A jealous warrior. Searching for gold or other resources. A talking wise tree? Floating crap that signifies some spiritual blessing?

• Killing contractors for the American government is quite okay apparently. It was an odd experience, knowing  that thousands of similar contractors are busy in Iraq and Afghanistan providing a host of services, including protecting, feeding and assisting regular American military units.

• James Cameron did a nice little switch near the end, with the stark ravingly angry Colonel Miles Quaritch accusing Jake of being a traitor to his race. It was a nice switch, because the real argument and line of focus wold have been Jake being a traitor to his fellow Americans. But Cameron knew that might make people more reflective about what they are observing (the killing of American military personnel over the Christmas holiday while a good portion of those active and former personnel are overseas fighting), so narrow it all down to a racial issue, and better to make the good Colonel worthy of his eventual and entirely predictable death. Indeed you knew the minute you met him that he would not come out of the movie intact. He was actually my favorite part of the movie, taking care of business without benefit of his oxygen mask. In a real jam, who would you want on your side... the Na'vi jilted warrior, or Quaritch? Liar. You know it's Quaritch. 

• Scientists take one for the team with Sigourney Weaver dying. But it's a noble death, so scientists the world over can feel confident that their status is okay. They are not evil like the military guys. They are into discovery and research and blue sky pursuits of knowledge. Meanwhile the entire film is a frontal attack on technology and progress. 

• We could blast the film for its devotion to vague spirituality in the form of pantheism. But it's Hollywood, and we have been conditioned to accept natives swaying back and forth in a healing/goddess ceremony, but bust out in laughter, anger or resentment at any serious depictions of Christian religious activity like prayer, laying on hands, vigorous singing or shouting. 'Cause Christian stuff is just crazy and the cause of every evil in the world. (It's not, but, well, you know how people are). 

I left the film awed by the technological skill, but modern societies are like that. We do things pretty well. It's amazing the amount of technology and money that went into this ode to primitivism. How not ironic.