Big Girls, Little Kids, and Men Who Don't Love Them

We live in a relatively free country, where the state rarely imposes in a way that interferes with the day to day of our lives, and despite what various online malcontents (aka Ron Paul supporters) suggest. It amazes that people get all worked up over policies like NDAA, the National Defense Authorization Act (and its detainee provisions), while people ignore larger trends and choices that can destabilize the country or people's lives.

It always amazes what we work ourselves into a frenzy over, substituting unlikelihoods for clear and present dangers. We see the speck, while ignoring the monsoon. We see this even in the immediate societal conclusion that raising kids without the direct input of both sexes won't, years from now, turn out to be a massive boon of instability and confusion and misbegotten social aims.

The New York Times has a short piece about the rise of unwed mothers among the under-30 female set, with the number of children being born to that group rising to 50%.

Further:

"73 percent of black children are born outside marriage, compared with 53 percent of Latinos and 29 percent of whites. And educational differences are growing. About 92 percent of college-educated women are married when they give birth, compared with 62 percent of women with some post-secondary schooling and 43 percent of women with a high school diploma or less"

(N.Y. Times)

While some of these kids do have males in the home, often it's a temporary presence.  Many of the women don't seem compelled or able to marry. This situation poses both present and future costs. Present costs when women mask their household income and remain single in order to obtain benefits from the government, and future costs when these children fail to prosper in the way that those kids in stable homes do.

And yet, we are quite free to replicate this activity over and over. Woe to those who come down on anyone for being shortsighted or selfish. We could blame men for their hand in this, and they are surely worthy of blame, but ultimately children don't grow in everyone's internals. Women's priorities and ability to assess situations are wanting.

***

In a distantly related matter, a female and I began watching a movie on BET, a station I normally won't go near. But I was trying to get more involved in women's television and be supportive. It was the story of a fat woman who wants a man, goes to Africa with a friend and cousin, and finds a model gorgeous man who accepts her as she is. In the process of rediscovering her own inner fat beauty, she comes up with a clothing line for fat women that is instantly a worldwide success. She also learns to accept that she too is worthy of the love of a model gorgeous man because she is beautiful. (Using no known set of measurable and objective parameters).

What was laughable to me was the ability of the movie to affirm one message (of accepting your own fat self as is, flaws and all), while simultaneously reaffirming to women that they could have it all, including thin, buff, model status men with abs of steel and cheekbones constructed by Michelangelo.

"Where are the fat guys who they should be going out with, lessons having been learned that all are worthy of love, including guys with beer bellies or fat heads?"

Near the end of the film, but before the return to Africa where the Nigerian stud (doctor stud at that) proposes marriage, the three women end up in a club where two relatively attractive and thin women refer to them as "fat bitches".  The main character turns around and dismisses their diss with her new found positive identity and suggests that those women need to bring others down in order for them to feel good. Everyone in the club applauds her moxie and sides and dances with the fat girls.

While taking a rest from the dance floor, a new set of guys, all thin and good looking, offer the women free drinks.

I told the woman next to me that it was absurd. She said, in response, "Oh no, that happens. When guys  see you all positive and putting out positive energy, they get attracted to that."

"That's nonsense," I said.

I started to elaborate, but then otherwise. A strikingly beautiful man, or any man, will hook up with an overweight woman, to the extent her face is cute, her butt is round and big (if he is a butt man), or she has breasts that are not merely due to weight and will retain size after she loses. And, if by way of the physical attributes, she also has a decent personality, he may... MAY, take a gander. He may sleep with her, or he may make her his friend.  He may remotely go beyond that, but there must be some inherent and "typical" feature that excites him, beyond fat and her new found "I am a Queen" confidence.

In this movie, the central character had no figure and was quite flat chested, unlike her less plump, but plump and bookish friend who was rocking a chest.

The point here though, is that women delude themselves. They carry a great amount of power in terms of the men they date, or even the children they decide to have or not have. Society has changed and granted freedom.

Unfortunately wisdom is not being doled out by God or the government, and women remain in difficult situations when they fail to take into account that men are vastly different in how they process things, and what they value.