I find Tyra Banks only slightly less annoying than Oprah, and somewhat more annoying than Martha Stewart, so the fact that the New York Times places her firmly in between those two names on the cover of the magazine this week is fitting.
The working thesis of the article is Tyra's desire to control her career and be a role model of encouragement for young women. Of course there are moments of concern like this, where an episode seemed to suggest (to some literal minded folk) that we should kill a model or batter a woman, causing one blogger to encourage letters to the production staff:
This letter is regarding the March 21, 2007 episode of America’s Next Top Model wherein all of the competing models were asked to pose for photographs as “crime scene victims”.
Despite the irritation factor, I have long mastered the ability to admire people who annoy me, and in contrast to Sheila Johnson (ex-wife of Robert Johnson) in the previous post, I admire those women who have worked hard for what they have, and further, have maintained a level of control and independence that allows them to go forward with their vision.
Sure their public personalities and personas may not be ideal; there are times I listen to Oprah and look at her audience and suspect that if she were to lead them to a water fountain dispensing acid they would surely drink. But Oprah has worked for what she has, and Tyra seems to be following in those steps.
Of course many hand claps to investment banker John Utendahl of Utendahl Capital Partners LP for his fine selection in women, which helps us maintain the dream that we can all have supermodels no matter how old we get. How many levels of lucky is he? (Assuming Tyra is not as annoying in real life as she appears to be on her talk show).
Update (2:14 am Sunday, Phoenix): I should add that the opinion on the blog I linked to is in my mind quite valid. While I respect the efforts of people like Tyra, you also have to ask what that effort actually produces and induces. It is always important to dig down to the actual product of a person and ask if this thing they are dedicating their energies to is actually producing something worthwhile. In that regard Tyra's shows often work at odds from her expressed goal, and that can be considered misguided ambition. Hence my annoyance mixed with admiration.
This is news to me, and perhaps I am not well read enough to know. But from the stories I always read in the business media, it was Robert Johnson who started Black Entertainment Television and it was he who ultimately sold it to Viacom in a massive cash out.
But I was wrong, and I blame the media for keeping me in the dark. In an "I don't know quite know the point of this interview" interview, Sheila Johnson tells us that it was a joint idea to start the cable network, and she pulled off this creative effort WHILE teaching.
My former husband, Robert Johnson, and I got the idea of starting a cable network targeted to African-Americans. We founded Black Entertainment Television while I was still teaching. We based our business plan on a proposal for a television program for seniors that had been rejected. We modified the proposal and in 1980 obtained funding from John Malone of Tele-Communications Inc. We took out a loan to rent office space and started with two hours of programming a week. I knew how to get teenagers talking and developed a program called Teen Summit. We eventually sold BET to Viacom.
Nothing like having the ex-wife come out and try to steal your Johnson. The corollary to this interview is that Bob Johnson would have been a peanut farmer or middle manager if his wife had not contribued her half of the ideas that made his fortune. Believe it! (You know, because it's in the New York Times).
And nevermind the title of the piece, called "The Discipline of the Violin". It's strictly a diversion.
(Note to self: After billionairehood, and when divorcing, make wife sign a perpetual confidientiality agreement to avoid being annoyed the rest of my life).
The property markets in Britain and the States are down and, likely, downer (to be quite ungrammatically but emotionally frank). Many people are sitting on the sidelines waiting for that one moment, that one flicker of a signal that says, "Time to dive in."
When will it come?
The Times (UK) tells us that Bill Gates has purchased a stake in Carpetright via his investment vehicle Cascade Investment LLC. He sucked up 3% of the shares, causing shares in the company to get quite hot by an equal percentage.
Is Bill seeing a bottom? We must keep in mind he has the necessary massive assets and staying power to wait out any misjudgments in timing.
People are watching the Middle East. Speculators. Currency speculators and investors. I know this because the Wall Street Journal tells me so here though the article appears to be on lockdown behind their wall of paid knowledge and we must go by faith (or just google the article's title). But here is the main chunk:
Hedge funds and other investors made bundles of money in the 1990s betting currency pegs around the world would break. They are at it again, only this time they are gambling currencies will soar, not plummet.
Among the prime targets are Persian Gulf nations that link their currencies to the U.S. dollar. An economic boom has touched off rampant inflation in these countries. That is putting pressure on policy makers to allow their currencies to strengthen, something they have said they have no plans to do.
But some investors are so keen on these economies that they think the currencies have nowhere to go but up. Everest Capital Ltd., a $3 billion hedge fund based in Bermuda and specializing in emerging markets, wrote in a first-quarter note to investors that it was betting that Saudi Arabia, Qatar and the United Arab Emirates would loosen the hold on their currencies, allowing them to strengthen.
Trades like that represent a remarkable shift from the 1990s. Then, places like Mexico, Thailand and Russia linked their currencies to the dollar as a way to provide financial stability. As their economies floundered, investors pushed governments to break the pegs, which caused their currencies to tank and sparked broader financial crises.
We are not so sure what will happen when nations revalue against the dollar, or divorce completely (de-peg as they say). But it can hardly be a good trend when people seek to release themselves from the financial coupling with the United States. Spurnings and and plan B's by other parties can hardly be a good sign, can they?
We are sure that those speculators are probably on the right track and should stand to make a nice sum. Nasser Al Qaoud, the assistant secretary-general for economic affairs at the GCC (that would be the Gulf Cooperation Council, not your local community college), suggested that a decision on whether to re-peg their currencies to the buck or use a currency smorgasbord would be made after their own monetary union and the creation of a single currency, ala the Euro.
"We hope the single currency will be approved on time in 2010… all efforts are now concentrating on the realization of this goal on schedule," he said.
Does this worry you? It worries us. Especially as our dollar drifts lower and lower, like a hootchie on the dance floor. Sometimes though, I am reassured by McDonald's commercials, who assure me that the "buck is strong."
My own personal indicator (patent pending) is when all the dollar menus at fast food joints around the country cost $2 or $3 dollars, without the "Dollar Menu" name changing. When you see this occur at five out of six major fast food chains and without legal challenge, know the end is nigh. Or, when the Dollar Menu in the G.C.C. states of Bahrain, Kuwait, Oman, Qatar, Saudi Arabia and the United Arab Emirates is in actuality costing ten thousand dollars (or $1 in the local currency).
But until then, be confident as you get that chicken sandwich or fries. Deep down the world loves us and will support us and our addictions.
As if the constant state of rotund and bulging bodies is not an obvious indicator of what people are putting in their heads, there is growing evidence that the fast food industy's dance with good nutrition may be at an end, and it is spreading to Britain.
It is a welcome trend. Nothing is worse than going into a Subway or other store and paying top dollar for things like raisins, water, apple slices, and the sorts of nutriwaste that one always liked to toss out when in elementary school. Wasn't lying to mom from first through sixth grade enough guilt?
Every day at our beloved Rufus King School in Fresh Meadows in Queens, hordes of kids ditched fruits and veggies, often running across during lunch break to buy pizza or spend their last quarter at the well stocked candy store. Arriving home, my mom would ask, "Did you like the peanutbutter and jelly sandwich and apple I gave you for lunch?" and I would say, "Uh huh". In reality the fact that the apple daily rolled my sandwich into a pancake through haphazard lunch bag control and maintenance was enough reason for me to stick my tongue and taste buds in places they did not belong. Lemon ice for lunch? Oh hell yea.
The Times (UK) reports in a survey that fast food shops are dumping more salad and healthy fare than they actually sell.
A Times survey in six British cities this week confirmed that the industry’s brief flirtation with healthy eating is over.
During a day of observation in branches of McDonald’s, Burger King and Kentucky Fried Chicken only two customers in Manchester and one in London ordered a salad.
One Burger King manager states “We buy in three cases of salad each week. I only order them in because I have to. But we bin most of them at the end of the week because they don't sell."
Lest we lose heart and make plans to move to England, the same trend there started in our beloved homeland (where all good things begin). We can smile at the reduced societal pressure of choosing between a really bad salad and a fairly decent burger.
“We listened to consumers who said they wanted to eat fresh fruit,” a spokesman for Wendy’s, an American burger chain, said. “Apparently they lied.” (Times, UK).
China is still China, but we continue to be struck by how the government there is managing the aftereffects of the earthquake. Whether it's the way the Chinese people have thrown themselves into assisting their neighbors, the mobilizatin of the armed forces, the quick response of "corporate" China or the desire by the government to appear open (by actually being open), it all amazes in a good way.
Both the Sunday Times (UK) and Xinjua report a greater focus now on resettlement and recontruction as the death count moves above 60,000. Premier Wen Jiabao made clear this change, and spoke also of the support received thus far.
Before the reporters, Wen expressed sincere thanks to the Chinese worldwide, including compatriots from Hong Kong, Macao and Taiwan, as well as the leaders, governments and people of other countries for their concern, sympathy, aid and help.
"Facing such a powerful quake, we welcome international reporters to the quake zone," Wen said. "And we believe you can report the quake, its damage and the work we have done in a fair, objective and truthful way with your conscience and humanitarian spirit."
(Xinjua)
Concern remains over earthquake created lakes that might flood, plus damage to other structures (like dams), but it is hard not to be impressed at the level of organization in dealing with this massive disaster:
Camp conditions are basic but orderly. Families grouped with friends and neighbours have received army issue tents, padded out with donated blankets and mattresses. Canteens, medical centres and play areas have been set up in a central hub and as loudspeakers blast out announcements, people form orderly queues for free food. An squad of 130 sanitation workers disinfect the entire area with spray packs mounted on their backs on a 24-hour rota. It feels like something between an ordered refugee camp and the last day of a rock festival.
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On the business front, China has moved to restructure its major telecom companies, resulting in what will be three primary players. According to Reuters, the steps include:
Merging China Unicom and Netcom (2 of the 4 major players).
Having fixed line China Telecom purchase the CDMA wireless network of Unicom.
Having China Mobile take over smaller fixed line China Railway Communication Co Ltd
Issuing three licenses for high-speed third-generation mobile phone services.
The 3G licenses and the industry revamp are also set to unleash billions of dollars in spending for network gearmakers such as Ericsson, Motorola, Nokia, Nortel and Siemens, as newly merged firms expand to compete.
Of course the critical thought here is not so much the business opportunity, but rather, the fostering of communication for the citizens via technology that only enhances the ability to better integrate with the rest of the world. You cannot have 1.3 billion people texting and using high speed internet connections without it ultimately affecting the direction of the government and society at large. That is very, very good news.
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China's inflation rate is not expected to rise despite the quake. So say investment banks (some of the very same ones who seemed to have been confused on the American economy). Yep. Take it with whatever grain you choose.
That's when a little piggie who dabbled in real estate by the name of Sam closed a deal with private equity firm Blackstone to sell his Equity Office Properties. With the clarity that retrospective vision allows, Sam proved wise. When selling, you want to sell at the top and Sam walked away with about $39 billion. "This deal is as solid as a brick house," said Sam as he turned his attention toward the newspaper in hand, feet up on the ottoman.
Our second little piggie, Steve, was very happy too. "Mission Accomplished," he said to himself as the deal closed. He had beat out several other forest creatures (Vornado), thus turning Blackstone into, as Businessweek reported, "the nation's biggest office landlord." But always the thinker, and to start making money on the purchase, Steve agreed to sell off several New York City properties to another piggie named Macklowe, a major New York developer, for the small sum of $7 billion. After all, coming up with $39 billion is no easy task. "This deal is as solid as a firmly constructed wood house," said Steve, turning his attention to other matters, like how to convince other forest animals to invest in his business.
After handing Steve a $7 billion dollar bill out of his wallet, Macklowe went home and said, "Son, I just bought us a bunch of buildings and cool stuff all over Manhattan." Never had a piglet walked away with so much, so fast, and good quality stuff too, or so he told his son.
"Dad?" asked William of his dad, "How will we ever pay back the people who helped us finance the deal?" but Poppa pig just said, "Trust me, when the wolves come, we will be ready. This deal is solid as the sand under a beach house."
But the deal was not so solid, and times were tough and bankers mean, and the wolves wanted their money. Or as one wolf, who lived in a big fortress surrounded by hedges said:
"Give us our money!"
So the third little pig and his son looked all around the house for something to sell in order to pay off the $7 billion dollar bill they had borrowed. "Father, father... we can sell our G.M building and that will save us, for now."
And so they did.. A vulture named Mortimer appeared out of the woods to take the building off their hands for a price. The Macklowe's, via their representative, had nothing but positive words on the deal:
The sale of these four towers will leave Macklowe Properties a leaner company, positioned to grow, Stacom said.
and
``There's a ton of money coming in from offshore right now, but it doesn't have an operating base,'' Stacom said. ``You have the team that created the GM Building sitting with real capacity now.''
But we know what the true story is. Not every little pig is a wise pig, and if you are not wise, the wolves will eat you. Nonetheless, that is how the G.M. building got sold.
It's almost the weekend, and surely many of us are looking for things to do, so I thought I might make a list. It's still Thursday, and one should have one's plans in order lest you wake up and suddenly it's Tuesday and you are back behind the desk, or spending the weekend at your mom's house eating ravioli.
Things To Do:
Do go hang with John McCain if invited. If a vegan, or whiney, say not a word and just eat the red meat. All eyes will be kept on those who can roll with the barbecued possum. That's how you choose a good VP. Oh, and again, make sure you are invited. Don't just crash the party and hope to stumble your way into a new job. Lightening in the form of Dan Quayle job opportunity moments are rare. Have your talking points ready. "Obama is doody" and stuff. That Hagee guy? Don't mention him.
Be sad with Jerry Yang, Dave Filo and the Yahoo crew. Show up with some brews or bagels, and be supportive. BusinessWeek reports that evil men in the form of hedge funds are all up in Yahoo's skirts now. Scary names like Carl Icahn, S.A.C Capital Advisors, T. Boone Pickens (apparently still alive) and Paulson and Co. Says BusinessWeek:
Every day it looks more likely that Yahoo! (YHOO) co-founders Jerry Yang and David Filo will lose control of the company they built into the Net's first iconic brand.
Make sure you help them keep their spirits up, and Google envy down. Don't mention you too are loading up on the stock and waiting for them to be stripped of their hooeyness.
Go to Myanmar to, you know, lend a hand. And dress casual with your "Free Burma" t-shirt. Take a fake Canadian passport (unless you are Canadian) and plenty of yum yums. Everyone trusts Canada.
Go to the movies and see "The Crypt Keeper", which is being marketed here in the U.S. as a Harrison Ford movie under the title of "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull." Harrison found a vehicle to exit the grave for, and surely he will try to look alive for the sake of keeping us all entertained. The kids should love it, though the last time Karen Allen was remotely interesting was in Animal House. However, the Washington Post seems to think it's worth the time.
Look at Pandas and how they roll in tough times, via James Fallows at Atlantic Monthly. You can scroll down on that blog for more China coverage, AND, more Pandas. I once was going to give a woman a stuffed Panda, but the Panda was not cute enough and looked like it had lost a fight and gotten two black eyes from another forest creature. So I gave her a baby seal from FAO Schwartz instead. (To no ultimate benefit to moi, but such is life).
And finally, you could do something for Memorial Day in original intent mode, though that's probably not the first thing that comes to mind when given the time off and a multitude of choices.
I am not sure what John McCain will have to say about this (yes I do, nothing!), but you know something is wrong when Israel is talking to terrorist states, much in the manner that U.S. presidential candidate Barack Obama suggested he might do (to much withering criticism from the right side of the political spectrum). And while Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert is hardly in a position of strength to be making any sort of life changing decisions for his people, it's probably clear to many in the region that purely military tactics don't a resolution make. One imagines that McCain, and Hillary, and the U.S. administration will all be rather mum. Obama can hold his breath while waiting for some apology regarding his level of naivete.
The Jersusalem Post reports:
The announcement of the talks comes after months of reports of unofficial messages going back and forth from Jerusalem to Damascus through Turkey, and was simultaneously announced in Ankara and Damascus.
Not that the whole endeavor is incredibly optimistic (as in naive) on Israel's part. But sometimes the mental telepathy just does not work and you have to speak, or forever withold peace.
In reinforcing the obvious, Lowe's makes clear that 2008 will not be the greatest of years, though Chief Executive Officer Robert A. Niblock does a verbal/mental walk on water in venturing that we might be at a bottom. Bloomberg reports:
``Unless there's another pressure out there to push the consumer down, it's not unreasonable to think we're bouncing along the bottom,'' he said in an interview.
I wonder if the pressure of $3.50 gas prices being eclipsed by $4.50 gas prices will be one kind of theoretical pressure "out there."
Of course my personal indicator of rather shaky times is a friend of a friend who took a two day weekend position at KFC in order to afford gas to get across town (Mesa to Glendale) to get to her primary job.
Or another friend in Idaho who had planned to visit Phoenix in August, only to determine that the cost/enjoyment ratio is too ridiculous to contemplate right now.
Nobody seems to know where this economy is going.
And speaking of general confusion, we awake to Microsoft and its vague yearnings again, and it is all rather unseemly. We can't help but think that Microsoft really needs to indulge in a session of therapy and get to know itself. The allure of Yahoo is merely masking certain issues that Microsoft is unwilling to face. Megan McArdle at Atlantic Monthly questions Microsoft's methods in beginning its overtures with the extreme option of takeover, as opposed to the smaller side deals that Microsoft is now inarticulately trying to articulate.
But those of us who have lived a little bit know that you can't truly make it with others until you are confident in where you are going yourself. Microsoft appears to be unable to explain in a clear manner where it wants to go or why Yahoo can take them to a place that they can't get to on their own. It is all very misguided, and again, unseemly.
Avert your eyes and money.
On a positive note, leading indicators for April shot up .1% so it must be time to buy that big screen. Yep.
Sometimes we here at BALT get annoyed when observing leveraged buyouts and other actions by private equity firms and corporate raiders. We feel that the ultimate outcome often is neither productive or conducive to the long term health of a company (or its workers).
This goes the same for many sorts of "activists", who buy into a company and seek to push the company into hastily contrived actions that force immediate yet temporary upward blips in stock prices.
One method to avoid having one's company caught in the teeth of hungrier more aggressive (and blind eyed) souls, is to have a dual class stock structure, contravening the wisdom of Wall Street and others who feel that dual classes of stock are a bit...undemocratic.
In practice, the world at large, the markets in which companies operate, and Wall Street in particular, throw up all kinds of short- and medium-term noise in the face of every public company, all the time.
and
The huge advantage of a dual-class stock structure is that it lets the company's core management simply ignore most of this stuff and stay focused on the long-term goal.
Of course in between those two quotes he gives a list of financial shenanigans and engineering that can cause a given company to get off the task of building a strong business for the long term.
But read it there, because he makes a lot of sense.
The Washington Post gives us the news that the Chinese media is largely ignoring the Communist Party Central Committee's directive to limit further journalist entry into Sichuan. This openness is the kernal of good that can be found in this forest of sorrow, and contrasts with how China has dealt with previous disasters (like the 1976 quake in Tabei province).
The questioning of the party directive was largely consistent with how China's normally timid news media have reacted to Monday's massive earthquake. Journalists have covered the disaster with unprecedented openness and intensity, broadcasting nearly nonstop live television footage, quickly updating death tolls on the Internet and printing bold newspaper editorials calling for building industry and other reforms.
Despite this good news, nature's hand keeps dishing as lakes and rivers look to be on the verge of overflowing due to landslides. No place to hide and no rest for the weary.
*
Disturbingly, everyone seems to have one cataracted eye on China's nuclear plants near the earthquake zone, observations unclear as to where those buildings stand, structurally speaking. Very "hmmm'ing" to say the least.
On the other hand, and undisturbingly (in a vaguely disturbing fashion), Wei Chao'an, China's vice minister for agriculture, assures us that there is plenty of food to go around despite the destruction of 75,000 acres of farmland. One would suspect though, that the problem in China, even worldwide (like in parts of Africa) is never so much whether there is food, but whether the food gets to where it should be, or gets there at the right price.
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Taking prudence seriously in light of past economic difficulties in the Asian region, China, Japan and South Korea, along with the members of A.S.E.A.N. (including Brunei, Cambodia, Indonesia, Laos, Malaysia, Myanmar, Philippines, Singapore, Thailand and Vietnam) moved forward on their regional safety fund, setting aside some $80 billion in reserves to cover future financial stresses.
The agreement was a step toward a regional equivalent to the International Monetary Fund. The 13 countries involved in the bilateral swap deals that were created in the wake of the 1997-98 Asian financial crisis were trying to avoid dealing with the IMF, which required them to adopt harsh and unpopular economic policies in return for bailouts during the financial crisis.
The central banks of Norway, Sweden and Denmark have joined forces in a stunning move to rescue Iceland, offering a credit line of €1.5bn (£1.2bn) to beat back speculators and shore up the battered krona
This latter action in Scandyland is what the Asian nations would be doing later (fighting speculators in some theoretical future disaster) if they were not being so proactive and doing what they are doing now. The title of the article in the Telegraph states, "Scandanavians Unite to End Iceland's Financial Chaos" and the assured nature of the headline rather defies the potential realities the article itself lays out.
*
Oh, and did we mention that mobile phone usage in China has reached 574 million subscribers? Because it has.
We have been remiss, slogging through our own weary world, feeling the corners move closer, and blogging lagged for the past week. The world itself continued on, also in the slag, beset by the blind step of nature, and suffering abounds. While the financial world continues its season of remorse, we can't help but turn our eye for a moment to Asia and the difficulties there.
The cyclone in Myanmar certainly dominated the news coverage and rightfully so. People have died, and are dying, in numbers that are unreal; because it is all so far away, and not Americans, it is truly hard to take pause and count the loss. The tendency here in the U.S. is to start donating or expressing some kind of ill defined words of consolation without it overwhelming the daily thought process. It is over there, and we are here, and ultimately we have our problems: tornadoes and home loss, massive illegal immigration busts and local government corruption (yes Detroit, that is you).
As the news in Myanmar grew more tragic, with the junta that runs the country suspicious and unwilling to open the doors to massive aid, perhaps eyeing the numerous American military ships that happened to be having war games with nearby Thailand, an earthquake in China stepped in, and on, the narrative, spreading the pain across a wider region.
There is nothing constructive to be said now that has not been said elsewhere. The N.Y. Times tells us (of the Myanmar disaster):
The scenes and the scale of the devastation recalled Asia’s last great natural disaster, the 2004 tsunami, which claimed 181,000 lives in several countries.
The Chinese quake hit primarily in Sichuan province and the Chinese government has mobilized its massive military to assist in the aid process and is accepting international assistance.
The central government, which said it was spending $120 million on rescue efforts, has sent 50,000 soldiers to the disaster zone. “We welcome funds and supplies,” Wang Zhenyao, the Civil Affairs Ministry’s top disaster relief official, said, according to The Associated Press. “We can’t accommodate personnel at this point.”
(N.Y. Times)
What is most interesting in all this misery is comparing the two governments and how they have handled the disasters. The larger burden to bear is on Myanmar and yet, they are far more reluctant to allow the type of assistance that is just moments away in boats in the ocean and relief teams sitting in Thailand. The ruling generals are reluctant to allow foreign influence to affect their nation, and at the expense of the people of the nation.
The other variant of undemocratic rule found in China has been far more open, with the country better prepared to handle its difficulties, but more open and honest with the damage and relief efforts.
The conclusion that can be drawn is that all non-democratic regimes are not the same, though often we tend to paint all with the same brush. One cannot help but look at events like this and see a China that is far more open than ever in allowing the world to see its difficulties. The government then, is trying. Yes trying NOT to be overtaken by democratic reform, but still trying to serve its people within the context of its current capabilities.
Let us hope such change continues, everywhere, and even in our own realm and hearts, where we can learn to better manage our own personal storms and sudden periods of darkness. Darkness invariably comes, but the preparation and the response are everything.
Well you could see it coming. The general lack of anything happening and Microsoft's silent stalker passive aggressive approach to conquest led it right back to going it alone. Yahoo wanted more, according to the N.Y. Times, but Steve, Microsoft's chief, was just not ready for that level of commitment.
"Mr. Ballmer said in a separate statement that Microsoft would continue to pursue its online efforts on its own," the paper reports.
"We have a talented team in place and a compelling plan to grow our business through innovative new services and strategic transactions with other business partners....While Yahoo would have accelerated our strategy, I am confident that we can continue to move forward toward our goals."
All of this will make for a perky Monday when Yahoo co-founders Yang and David Filo get out of bed to find Yahoo trading for $15 and shareholders engraged.
It also might make the philosophical ask why all of this was necessary anyway if Microsoft can in fact do it for themselves, but in a world where the stock market rises with each new announcement of bad news, such questions need not be asked, and cannot be answered.
Yahoo wanted $37, the price of a fairly good meal. Microsoft balked. "You are so not worth $37." Yahoo had called other guys (Google, Time Warner) to make Microsoft jealous. But in the end Ballmer concluded the pleasure would not be worth the price.
One assumes that Yahoo will have to do something quite spiffy just to feel manly again.
Midway into Mark Knopfler's "Speedway at Nazareth," I often tear up, and now is no exception. I should be asleep but I am not, up thinking thoughts, worrying, wondering what my life has become.
When I hear this song I think of my father, now dead, and imagine myself with him, and running with a host of people toward God standing upon some distant hill. It's an odd little vision. I picture me and hundreds, thousands of other people in this grassy plain. And up on the ridge there, to the right of the tree of life, God is waiting, and crowds of people are standing with him. They are waving and clapping and you can hear shouts of "Come on, come on" and "You can do it."
But we are not there yet. We are on the plain, and behind is some enemy. Even THE enemy. Milton's Satan, rationalizing away with "Aw come on folks." At first we are milling about. I am standing talking to my dad (even though he is already dead). Others are sitting, fingering dandelions and bored. People are hot, sweaty. Someone says, "Hey, that guy on the ridge is calling us," and points.
Some people look up and are like, "What's he saying?" Someone shouts, "I think that is Jesus." Slowly heads turn in that direction. I hear some fat lady saying, "My aunt Janie is up there" and she starts running. Three hundred pounds of fatness and each step takes her an inch, but she runs nonetheless. I turn to my dad and say, "Check her out" and several people are kind of laughing. But I look at her face and she is happy and waving her arms and though every part of her body is shaking like jello, she does not care anymore. She just wants to make it to the hill. "Heyo! I'm coming she says" and her steps get bigger and bigger and it almost looks like one of those moon walks, or leaping in a dream, where she is bounding further ahead, weight and all, yet weightless.
Her husband, who was standing indifferent smoking a cigarette just a second ago saying this was all complete bullcrap, yells out, "Baby wait for me" and he takes off running after her like a little a baby chick. People begin to get up and move in the direction of the hill. Some drift, others move briskly, but it is hard to ignore the people on the distant ridge jumping up and down and making such a commotion.
"Someone called my name" my dad says
"Really? I didn't hear anything," I respond as he stands up.
"I need to get up there. I don't think I can make it though. My heart. This thing will kill me but I have to go."
"Let's go then, " I say, and we begin walking. The whole crowd is on the move now.
Meanwhile Satan is standing, pissed. He begins to turn things dark behind us. The crowd looks back. At first we see just darkness and clouds. But then fearful things appear. I look back and see myself. My true self and am afraid.
"We gotta run," I say to my dad, and we start up a trot. Pretty soon everyone else is picking up the pace. I have never seen so many different types of people. Thin people, a group of Malays over there, a mother and her toddler, a skinny gawky kid who suddenly takes off toward the hill.
"Fuck this shit, I am running too," says some Marine looking type and I watch as his legs pump up and down all powerful like. Pretty soon he has caught up to the leaping fat woman and her husband, and they all look at each other and start laughing. Running, laughing, leaping. Mid stride she turns around and yells to us way behind, "Come on now. You can do it."
My father is tired. Sweat poring down his face. That ridge was farther than it looked. We stop. "I can't do this," my father says to me. "I can't keep going. I feel like my heart is gonna pop right out of my shirt."
"We have to keep going. That's God up there! Look at all those people up there. All those people who went before. Everyone we ever wondered about, everything we never knew. Every magic, mystery and spirituality becomes science and explained to us. Come on."
"I can't. Go son. If I see you make it, then I will be happy," my father says to me, and it makes me cry.
I lift him up in my arms in the way you see parents carry their little kids and run around the yard. I used to get spanked that way for bad report cards. He would hold me in his left arm, and spank me with the belt in his right. Eventually I got too heavy or the whole enterprise got too ridiculous and he took to just giving me the "disappointed face" and lecture instead. And now here I am picking him up.
I grab him in my arm, amazed that I can and I start trotting along and he is really heavy. I mean heavy. But as I am running people are running next to me, and past me. Some old lady with an elaborate hairdo fit for a king to live in as a palace turns to me and says, "Ya'll can do betta than that. Come on now. Don't let this ole momma beat you up that hill" and it makes me laugh and I start running faster. I still see the fat lady leaping ahead and notice that a lot of people are actually leaping now too.
"I've always wanted to do that," I hear a plump man nearby say and he just starts up into the air, whooping it up. "OMG. OMG." After leaping in place a while, he starts leaping forward and others follow his example.
"I wish I could leap like that." I wanted to leap like that in the same way I wanted to go into the ocean, or dance on a dance floor, or run around like a silly happy dog, with no other purpose than sheer joy of the moment.
I try to take leaps but my father is so heavy. "Leave me, and leap," he says and I tell him to be quiet. I attempt giant strides and notice that with each stride, I begin to cover more distance. "Leap Finn," I hear someone say from the distant hill and I take a huge jump step forward and me and my father are soaring through the air. All this weight, these pounds that I carry in daily life are no longer holding me down. I am leaping and my father is laughing like "What the hell" and pretty soon everyone is all energy: leaping, hopping, floating, bopping.
There is a whole contingent of little kids to my left who are hopping like rabbits, which is something to see, but not nearly as funny as their parents, who hop along too. A Chinese guy passes me backwards, moving faster backwards than some facing forwards.
"Why are you running backwards?" I ask, and he says, "The faces. I have never seen so many happy faces and it makes me know where I am going and why."
I start picturing that scene in Moses, where the Hebrews are fleeing the Pharoah, and everyone is helping everyone get to where they need to be. Physics seems to be broken. "It's not broken. It's the full effect that we are seeing," says my dad.
As each person reaches the ridge we see them stand and turn to the rest of us and wave us forward. But we can only see the people on the ridge and not beyond.
Eventually we arrive there and I am hot and tired but filled with joy and we look over and see billions that had been out of view. Finally my father and I stand on the edge with God, and we are looking down at the plain, and darkness against the far sky, and only Satan is there, hand on hips, shaking his head.
He begins to weave quickly across the plain and in seconds he stands in God's face. "I remember when we were friends," he says, "and you turned on us and left us alone to our dark selves. Where is your seventy times seven? Is there nothing for one like me?" God stands and stares and I wonder if such is even possible. God wipes his sleeve on his wet cheek. It's certainly not theological. "Can't you heal him and make him one of us?" some child asks.
***
Of course that has nothing to do with the song's actual lyrics. The lyrics are about a race car driver who keeps having disasters at every race he attempts. And finally, near the end, at the Speedway of Nazareth, he finds redemption. Half the song continues beyond the lyrics, and the rythm and pace pick up. That is when I usually start picturing that scene above. The music grabs your imagination and you just start thinking thoughts. Maybe not as crazy as mine, but it moves you. You can check out a live version here (not the best), or you can actually get a hold of the studio version of the song . Close your eyes. Turn up your headphones and let your mind wander.
Half my life is over, and in the late night I think dark thoughts and wonder how to go on. I hope I find Nazareth.
MARK KNOPFLER
Speedway At Nazareth
Words & Music:
Mark Knopfler
After two thousand came two thousand and one
To be the new champions we were there for to run
From springtime in Arizona 'til the fall in Monterey
And the raceways were the battlefields and we fought 'em all the way
Was at Phoenix in the morning I had a wake-up call
She went around without a warning put me in the wall
I drove Long Beach, California with three cracked vertebrae
And we went on to Indianapolis, Indiana in May
Well the Brickyard's there to crucify anyone who will not learn
I climbed a mountain to qualify I went flat through the turns
But I was down in the might-have-beens and an old pal good as died
And I sat down in Gasoline Alley and I cried
Well we were in at the kill again on the Milwaukee Mile
And in June up in Michigan we were robbed at Belle Isle
Then it was on to Portland, Oregon for the G.I. Joe
And I'd blown off almost everyone when my motor let go
New England, Ontario we died in the dirt
Those walls from mid-Ohio to Toronto they hurt
So we came to Road America where we burned up the lake
But at the speedway at Nazareth I made no mistake
(P.S.- Never blog late at night with a lot of things on your mind.)
