Microsoft Opts for Masturbation

Well you could see it coming. The general lack of anything happening and Microsoft's silent stalker passive aggressive approach to conquest led it right back to going it alone. Yahoo wanted more, according to the N.Y. Times, but Steve, Microsoft's chief, was just not ready for that level of commitment.

"Mr. Ballmer said in a separate statement that Microsoft would continue to pursue its online efforts on its own," the paper reports.

"We have a talented team in place and a compelling plan to grow our business through innovative new services and strategic transactions with other business partners....While Yahoo would have accelerated our strategy, I am confident that we can continue to move forward toward our goals."

All of this will make for a perky Monday when Yahoo co-founders Yang and David Filo get out of bed to find Yahoo trading for $15 and shareholders engraged.

It also might make the philosophical ask why all of this was necessary anyway if Microsoft can in fact do it for themselves, but in a world where the stock market rises with each new announcement of bad news, such questions need not be asked, and cannot be answered.

Yahoo wanted $37, the price of a fairly good meal. Microsoft balked. "You are so not worth $37." Yahoo had called other guys (Google, Time Warner) to make Microsoft jealous. But in the end Ballmer concluded the pleasure would not be worth the price.

One assumes that Yahoo will have to do something quite spiffy just to feel manly again.